would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
