like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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