U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
