I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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