the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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