Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
