don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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