her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
