I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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