I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
