I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
