I just cut my nipple shaving
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
