He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
