just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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