I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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