I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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