Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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