i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
