What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
