you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
