how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
