If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
