Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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