If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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