hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
