ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
