You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
