If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
