For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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