so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
