My sheets look like a crime scene.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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