Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
