Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
