May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
