naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Green mimosas i think yes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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