hotel room ftw
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
