don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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