smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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