My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
