I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
