I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
