I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i will never coherently bang her
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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