you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
