help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
