Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize