I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
