i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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