I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
