i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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