Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
