You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
