i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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