Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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