the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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