And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
