She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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