I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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