Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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