spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
