remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
