she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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