You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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