i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
