Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
