so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
