For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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