i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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