My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
