you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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