so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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