I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
