trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
