so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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