Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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