New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
