dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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