Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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