I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
