btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
