Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
