yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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