Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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