I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
