So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
