Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
