We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
