Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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